Curious. Incredulous. What moment is this?

What “now” are we brought to, do we reminisce?

Look back on the times when dreams were all

that “maybe”s encompassed and caused to enthrall.

And think for a moment, how now was then

and maybe look into what could have been?

Or really realize the now, truly fully live

not let moments pass – sand in a sieve.

What are you brought to in this time, this now? And are you living it?

It’s so easy to get frustrated or overwhelmed by the moments you’re in and want to be done; or so excited about the future you’re living in it already; or still be stuck in either a joy or pain-filled past. But in each of these three, there’s a prevailing desire to not be in the moments that you have in this now.

I’m not saying “now” is easy. I’m not saying it looks beautiful or comfortable. Or maybe it’s great, but what’s coming seems to be even better. But each moment is so precious. You have each moment for a purpose. To steward, to enjoy, to use for His glory.

Take heart, rejoice. “I will say it again, rejoice!“

Rejoice for you are alive. You have people around you that care. You have a purpose. God is working in your life. And you still have breath. Who are we to not realize that? Who am I to say that what I have been given (either as a blessing or a challenge) in this now is “not ok”. Or “too difficult”. Or “I just want to get past this, I can’t wait for what’s next!”

Those smack of pride. They smack of doubt. They boastingly declare that what I have in mind for myself far exceeds what brilliant and perfect plan God could have in mind for me.

And. That. Just. Hurts.

I hate that I’m a proud person (for each and every one of our sins is rooted in pride. In thinking that we know what’s best for ourselves). I despise those moments when I catch myself so blatantly acting for myself rather than for the Kingdom and for others. And especially when I think about the time that I have, and say that the circumstances just aren’t cutting it.

I’m alive. I’m still alive. I’m still living and breathing when I could have died several times over. I have breath by cause of His grace, and for purpose of the plan that He yet has for me. And I am in awe.

I wish I understood this in a deeper way. That I didn’t just know it, or start to understand, but that I would really truly and deeply understand the fullness of what this means. I wish that it permeated every single little piece of who I am. Not every once in a while. Not even most of the time. But all the time. My deepest desire is that the identity of who I am in Christ would transform me completely and be revealed in every syllable that passes my lips, every letter my fingers type, every action I share.

Let it all be for Him. Let the Spirit move in me. I want to live it completely.

When was the last time you saw a sunrise? When was that last day where you took the time to wake up and begin the day at the same point as the sun? There’s something so different when the sun rises than when it sets. It’s a new beginning. It’s a paradigm shift. It’s that split second when you realize that something new is about to begin, and you get to be a part of it.

The night is a phase; maybe that stage where you’re going through something tough and those hours or days just seem to stretch on forever. When even the moon’s light isn’t enough to illuminate and the stars make you feel more like you’re spiraling than hopeful. But though the dark hours may drag on, the morning still prevails. The horizon cannot hold back the sun forever, and neither can the elements of your struggle. There is a dawn. There is a new beginning. If you are leaning on the Lord God. In Him we are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37). And our present sufferings are nothing compared to the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18).

But oh, that’s not to say that your sufferings are trivial, because they hurt..and even sometimes bleed. But let that encourage you, for even the worst suffering we could possibly endure is nothing compared to the immensity of His promises. A peace that surpasses understanding and guards our hearts (Philippians 4:7). That He will never let you go, and nothing can snatch you from His hands (John 10:28). So many more, but my desire here is not to give you a list that you skim over and forget. Dwell on those, and pursue His Word. Pursue Him and know the heart that He has for you!

Ah, how I want to echo Paul’s prayer in Ephesians! I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge, – that you may be filled to the measure of the fullness of God. (Eph 3:16-19)

Take heart. Let the Son rise up in you.

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First off, I absolutely love it here. I couldn’t be more blown away by how God has just orchestrated the details to make this place such a perfect fit. I feel at home here, but challenged at the same time. I’m incredibly excited to see how God decides to grow me as well as work through me.

Classes are going well, despite the fact that I’m in 17 credits for my first semester of freshman year. But seeing as how as I write this I’m in the library overlooking the ocean, it’s not all that bad.

A project has already sprung out of my time here. After being introduced to the Humans of New York concept, I found that it fit well with two desires that I’ve had recently. 1) to meet new people and hear their stories. And 2) to start a portrait series.

So here’s what I’m doing. I’ve started a series called People of Pepperdine, in which I’m chronicling people that I meet here and in the area (this will also continue into my studies abroad with Pepperdine in Buenos Aires, providing that I’m accepted into the program). Portraits, short captions that encompass the moment or perhaps a glimpse of who the subject is as a person. My goals in this are to meet new people, challenge myself in photography, and get out of my comfort zone. It’s not typical in this society to just go up to someone and ask them their story, so this will be both a motivator and an avenue to do so. I’m really excited. And if you’d like to follow along, check out my photography blog here: katrinadphotography.wordpress.com

I hope to learn a lot through this journey – as just a part of my experience here in college and what God is leading me through. He’s giving me opportunities to stand up for what I believe, as well as encourage and be encouraged. I’m still church hopping at the moment, but I have found a youth group that I think I’ll call home. Getting plugged in, and investing as well. All in. Here we go.

The same goes for adventures. They’re all different from the last, and sometimes don’t even appear to be a true adventure. What I’d call an adventure, you might call a stroll or even punishment. My dad’s idea of an adventure is some people’s worst athletic nightmare. And frankly, some of what other people call an “adventure” just sounds too boring to me to be an adventure. But hey. They’re adventures. They’re journeys. And we each have our preference. Just like socks.

I went to New York this past week, to visit my grandmother and aunt. It was more of a blessing than I had anticipated. And also more humbling.

From sculptures towering, to lights intertwining – we made our way through Storm King Art Center. Seeing places I had seen years and years ago. Those places that I no longer remembered, yet somehow were imprinted in my mind.

And then on we went, listening to more symphonies than I ever have in my life, making memories to cherish.

We also went to West Point, where I got to see the home that I used to live in. That was quite an experience. Those faint faint memories of 4 years of age mix with stories you’ve heard..until it feel simultaneously like you know the place – and like you’ve never been there before.

Cemeteries. A place that makes me want to sit down with a notebook and just ponder. So many memories run through cemeteries – the inscriptions, the monuments, the people walking paths, and the wondering of what their stories entailed.

I always want to know people’s stories. It’s fascinating to me how people choose to be remembered; either by their own planning or that of their loved ones. What inscriptions are on their headstones? It often reflects either their deep craving to be remembered in one particular way.. or the desperate clinging desire of their loved ones for them to be remembered – and remembered for the men and women that they truly were and the impacts they made.

So many paths we walked. So much curiosity as to why. What made this path important? What memories ran though here throughout the centuries? And I don’t mean the battles. I don’t mean the momentous occasions. I mean the people who walked these floors, who struggled, wept, rejoiced, and battled on.

Which brings me to this rest stop. A historical place once bustling with people – now decrepit and rusted; broken down for everyone to see. Does that resonate in your life at all? Do you feel abandoned and broken down?

Yet look. Life grows on the rusted building. Fruit. Green. Abundant.

Oh, the places these shoes have been. And how many others have walked this way!

And again, on to the Metropolitan. So much history. So many memories. So much proclamation of how a people, a nation, a person wanted to be (or is forever) remembered.

We have this focus on how we’ll be remembered. And on remembering. But only the good stuff – or our response to the bad. Only what we want to remember.

Does this obsession make us lose track of the now? Are we too focused on the past and future and aren’t truly living the now?

Or is a balance attainable?

This post isn’t to give you a blow-by-blow of my physical journey, as much as to give a glimpse into the thought adventure. And perhaps spark some pondering in you too. Take the statements, separately and together – what resonates?

Maybe what seems like the end – like too much, like you can’t take it anymore. Maybe that’s just the beginning. But the beginning of what God has in mind. The restoration. The growth. The sanctification.

Will you take this moment and live it truly; not for your glory but for His? Or will you leave moments forgotten – until even memories and purpose fade.